


Wishbone

by wigglebox



Series: Supernatural - Season 15 Coda Fics [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Existential Angst, Implied Relationships, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Lost Love, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Reflection, Stabbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:20:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wigglebox/pseuds/wigglebox
Summary: Do you know how it ends? Do you feel lucky?Do you want to go home now?[Richard Siken]A 15x07 coda
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Lee Webb/Dean Winchester, Leo Webb/Dean Winchester
Series: Supernatural - Season 15 Coda Fics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514216
Comments: 14
Kudos: 120





	Wishbone

For the first hour on the road driving up US-54, Dean didn’t turn on the radio. He chose absolute ambiance instead of manufactured, preferring to listen to the hum of the engine or every little bump the wheels hit. He felt better with the sound of grinding metal on metal and the squeaking that happened every so often if he hit a larger bump. The noises grounded him; familiar, safe, and almost like a meditation. 

In the second hour, he turned the radio back on. The static grew unbearable after only a minute, so he lowered the volume so every fifth word that came in didn’t piss him off. He had tapes to use, but they were in the backseat and Dean didn’t feel like moving too much. 

Wanting to add just a little more noise to the symphony, he picked up his phone next to him on the seat. With one eye on the road, Dean swiped up and over to the voice messages and hit the newest voicemail again. A familiar voice filled the car’s interior, and it was the fifth time Dean listened to it since leaving Texhoma:

_Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I -- where are you?_

The brief message wasn’t enough, so Dean hit replay, his fingers automatically over the button so he didn’t have to look at the screen. Not a lot of traffic on US-54 but he didn’t want to hit a cow or something. That’d be the icing on the cake. 

_Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I -- where are you?_

And again

_Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I -- where are you?_

When Dean first heard the message he felt his insides freeze. He steps away and Sam gets hurt. How hurt? Cas didn’t expand. He just did what he always did and never got to the fucking point and just hangs up --

Nothing worse happened in the hours between the message and Dean getting behind the wheel, otherwise, there’d be another message. They may not be seeing eye to eye but Cas wouldn’t be as cruel as to not tell Dean if Sam was suffering. 

Again:

_Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I -- where are you?_

Where was he, indeed. The last sign he saw was something about Minneola. Just south of Dodge City. He’d have to turn soon. That’s where he was. Middle of nowhere, and the middle of fucking nowhere. Vast landscapes of nothingness that make your eyes grow tired and brain shut down. 

It was the ‘where are you’ that got Dean laughing in his car when he first set off from the roadhouse, his emotions hit out of whack and his hands shaking. It wasn’t a response he wanted, but a response his brain deemed necessary after the previous 24 hours. His head still hurt, his hand still hurt, his _everything_ hurt but hearing the irony of ‘where are you’ when all Dean ever wondered was where _Cas_ was had him almost in stitches. His eyes welled with laughter, the tears using the irony to hide the fact they weren’t from humor at all. 

Flashes of Lee’s last moments kept hitting Dean upside the head as he drove. The sensation of the pool cue sinking into resistant flesh made him pull to the side of the road a few times, wanting to puke. Nothing came up, but _fuck_ it would be helpful if it did. His body refused, however, knowing it couldn’t take any more stress. 

_Where are you?_

_Why do you care so much?_

Because he had to. Someone had to care. Sam cared, and clearly Cas cared enough to come back despite everything. Everyone else cared. 

_I’m glad it was you_

What the fuck was _that_ supposed to mean?

Dean took a left at Dodge City and proceeded north, not stopping for any food despite his stomach screaming for a burger. 

His brain turned into a slide show of nostalgia come hour three on the road. Little clips of moments together with Lee all those years ago, the hope back then and the hope Dean felt when they reconnected. The hope that ‘Hey, you don’t want to do it the way they told you to do it -- hunts can be fun, you don’t have to stress yourself out, you can be _yourself_ , you _can_ have it all --’

But each clip turned sour, burned at the edges as it flitted away as dust into the air. 

Dean remembered their trip together in 2003, how many times they talked about living the life they wanted outside of all of this. Lee wanted to own a roadhouse for the energy and life it brought to people and himself. They were going to go find what they wanted together, make their own life, do their own thing -- nothing stopping a pair of young twenty-somethings with a twinkle in their eye and energy that matched a golden retriever. Nothing could stop them. _Be selfish_ , Dean’s subconscious said at the time, _Sam got to go, why do you have to stay?_

Lee came at just the right time in Dean’s life. Right when he began sinking, drowning in depressing motel rooms and beers with his father. Take a chance, make it happen -- take your father’s keys and run off; don’t answer the voicemails; get a burner a couple of weeks later; fuck in motel rooms with each other or other people; eat whatever you wanted; go to Vegas -- 

He would never say it out loud, but one of the worst nights of Dean’s life was when [John caught up to them that night in November.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626230) Halfway to drunk, dicks in each other’s mouths -- they didn't have a care in the fucking _world_. 

It should have been Dean’s first clue that the good life will never be easy. 

The second clue came when they reunited by accident in Glendale, working a satanic cult mystery. It had been seven months since last seeing each other, and they got back together in the biblical sense but it was only for a night. The spark died between them when the dream died; when Dean’s dream died; his hopes for an easy-going life died. 

What would have happened if he didn’t go with his father that night in Georgia? What would have happened if he tried to make it work again in Arizona? What would happen if he stayed and didn’t do everything told. 

Probably nothing -- it wasn’t ever meant to be that way. If John didn’t make sure of that, it turned out God would have. Dean shivered at the thought and turned the radio up louder to drown it out. 

Paradise always came with strings attached and in this case, a pool cue shoved through you. 

Hour four and Dean listened to the message again. Cas sounded nervous for Sam, but Dean once again reminded himself that if Sam were near death, Cas would call. 

_Where are you?_

He sounded demanding, frustrated, annoyed Dean didn’t pick up the phone, and the laughter came back in a small dose as he felt a small dose of petty rip through him. Now Cas knew how it felt. _Where are you, I’ve been trying to call you, I prayed to you every night_ \-- 

In a quick twist of horror, Cas’s voice blended with Dean’s in his head before morphing into John’s voice: 

_Where are you? Where’s the car. What are you doing? Is Lee with you -- his father is losing his mind. What are you doing out there, get the fuck back here._

The script switched, and Dean now watched his father pacing in the little living room of the little cabin in the little town, screaming into his phone. 

_Where are you? I hope you never think of coming back here you ungrateful, selfish brat. You think you can just run off and have a happy fun little life? You think that? You’ve never been so fucking wrong in your whole damn --_

Hour five and Dean listened to the voice message five more times before locking his screen and throwing the phone into the backseat. 

_Where are you?_

No, Dean thought, where were _you_.

Dean turned left onto US-181, northward once more and almost home. His heart began to quicken as his brain imagined the shit storm scenarios he could walk into. 

_Where were you?_

I didn’t know he’d get hurt. 

_Where were you?_

That’s none of your business. 

_Where were you?_

Getting the absolute shit kicked out of me by someone I used to -- 

_Where were you?_

Nowhere special. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> 15x07 got me in my feels. 
> 
> So, linked in this Coda is the fic I wrote before 15x07 aired. I was surprised how easy it fit into canon (though I will be editing it ever so slightly). It's the night that Dean and Lee got 'caught'. 
> 
> You can read it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626230)
> 
> And if the whole episode wasn't fucking something, we got those last couple scenes of /tension/ and I live for it. 
> 
> I'm really excited for the upcoming episodes! I'm loving this season so far. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3333
> 
> Photo credit by Casey Horner on Unsplash


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